Back in 2009, Leonard Cohen played at Coachella. He was on my absolutely-do-not-miss list, and of course, most of my crew didn’t understand why.
Still, I insisted. I dragged them all kicking and screaming out of the Sahara tent and over to the outdoor stage. They asked me, “Who is this old man?” and I just smiled knowingly.
By the time he got around to “Hallelujah,” my friends were jaw-dropped. Some were in tears. (I certainly was.) We sang together and swayed together and when it was all over we held each other, grateful for the experience.
That’s how powerful it was seeing Leonard Cohen perform live. I’m still grateful.
It’s been an interesting few days. I’ve been traveling. Business and pleasure, often at the same time. I’m back now, and feeling particularly grateful for all the new people and all the new purpose in my life.
Despite all the gratitude, I couldn’t help but notice a strange new feeling when I finally got home and my head hit the pillow. I was all by myself, and I didn’t want to be. It wasn’t the feeling of loneliness. It was the feeling of not wanting to be alone, and that’s not the way I’m used to feeling when I crawl into bed.
Part of it was because I’d been on the road in the close company of others. Part of it was because almost everyone I know here is coupled up. Part of it was because I knew a certain person wouldn’t be sleeping alone that night. (Yes, they’re still seeing each other. Yes, it looks like it’s going to last. Yes, I’ve come to terms with it.)
Anyway, I didn’t want to be alone last night. That being said, I didn’t want to be with anyone else either. I could’ve found a big spoon, but I wasn’t in a little spoon mood. It wasn’t about having a warm body in my bed. It was about acknowledging this part of me that’s been slowly developing over this past year, the part that wants to start sharing my life with someone special, the part that everyone else around me always seemed to have, the part that made me feel like a little bit of an oddball for not having until now.
I have so many wonderful things going on in my life right now. I’m happy. Happier than I’ve been in years, and maybe that’s why I’m ready for this next thing. It’ll happen. Or it won’t. I know better than to expect it, but I’m also hopeful in a way that I’ve never been before too. We’ll see. In the meantime, I get to enjoy myself. I get to challenge myself. I get to do some actual good in my day-to-day life, and I get to do it surrounded by some of the loveliest human beings I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. Like I said, I’m grateful.
1. Kids — Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein
2. Lost It To Trying — Son Lux
3. Flame (Roosevelt Remix) — Sundara Karma
4. The Less I Know the Better — Tame Impala
5. Take My Pain Away — Moullinex
6. Heart It Races (Dr Dog Version) — Dr. Dog
7. Barbarians — Escort
8. Bloodshake — Peace
9. Fanta Fabuloso — Chucha Santamaria Y Usted
10. Wildfire — SBTRKT
11. Different — The Academic
12. Unbelievers — Vampire Weekend
13. Baker Street — Gerry Rafferty
14. Cocaine — Kiyo Cato
15. She’ll Kill You — Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein