1. Kids — Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein
2. Lost It To Trying — Son Lux
3. Flame (Roosevelt Remix) — Sundara Karma
4. The Less I Know the Better — Tame Impala
5. Take My Pain Away — Moullinex
6. Heart It Races (Dr Dog Version) — Dr. Dog
7. Barbarians — Escort
8. Bloodshake — Peace
9. Fanta Fabuloso — Chucha Santamaria Y Usted
10. Wildfire — SBTRKT
11. Different — The Academic
12. Unbelievers — Vampire Weekend
13. Baker Street — Gerry Rafferty
14. Cocaine — Kiyo Cato
15. She’ll Kill You — Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein
I fell back into close orbit with my ongoing romantic complication after five months of genuine friendship. More specifically, I fell back into his bed. One night, the planets aligned, and we went out together, and we ended up having warm, comfortable sex, and then we slept together. We woke up to another round of fuzzy morning sex, and then went out for breakfast. It was a perfect night, and even though at that point I was no longer vulnerable, I could appreciate how special it was.
Then I left town for a week, and while I was gone, he met some random girl on Bumble and saw her for four straight days in a row, and when I got back she was the first thing he told me about. He was crushing so hard, and it absolutely destroyed me. I thought that I was no longer vulnerable, but the juxtaposition of our night together combined with this freak accident where he suddenly catches feelings for some random girl. It devastated me. I want those feelings. Those were supposed to be my feelings. Bitch came along and snatched what should have been his crush on me.
It all came to a head the other night, and it hurt. A lot. I was suddenly thrown back into this fragile, vulnerable place I was in earlier this year and I fucking hate it. I bawled my eyes out yesterday like I haven’t in many, many years. I’m still emotionally numb from this whole situation.
He’s so amazing, and I thought I was over him — no, I was over him — but then we fell back in bed together and he immediately fell for someone else. I mean, for fuck’s sake. How am I supposed to deal with that? I’m tough, but I’m not made of fucking stone, you know?
The good news is that every time I come into his orbit it gets a little easier to escape, but as quickly as I’ll recover this time around, it really fucking hurts. I’ve already started the all-too familiar process of emotional detachment. I’ll punish myself with diet and exercise. I’ll go on as many dates as possible to keep myself distracted. Every once in a while, I might even meet someone who’s worth my time, but the worst part of dating is the constant reminder that nobody else has ever come close.
Soon, this vulnerability will pass, and I’ll be even stronger for it. Maybe I’ll get to go a full year before this shit happens again. In the meantime, though, I am long overdue for someone I love (or could potentially love) to fall hard in love with me.
OK, PLS, THX offers regular performance improvement options and bug fixes to maximally optimize your overall user experience for social. It’s an advice column for Real Life Magazine, and I contributed this week’s post, “Who Was She?” You should go read it. It’s good.
1. Mess Is Mine — Vance Joy
2. Beautiful Girl (feat. Kyle Pearce) — Junge Junge
3. Meditate (feat. Two Fresh) — Probcause
4. Say My Name (feat. Zyra) [RAC Mix] — ODESZA
5. Closer (The Young Professionals Remix) — Tegan And Sara
6. San Francisco — The Mowgli’s
7. 2 Heads — ColemanHell
8. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards — Tame Impala
9. Pools — Glass Animals
10. Paper Aeroplane — Angus & Julia Stone
11. Ophelia — The Lumineers
12. First — Cold War Kids
13. I Wish I Was Sober — Frightened Rabbit
14. Helena Beat — Foster The People
15. Turn Me Up — Twin Shadow
16. Dangerous (feat. Joywave) — Big Data
17. Karma Police — Radiohead
18. Light of the Seven — Ramin Djawadi