Bristol

bristol

 

“It’s not plastic surgery. I had corrective jaw surgery. Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons…so my jaw and teeth could properly realign…I don’t obsess over my face. I am absolutely thrilled with the results. I look older, more mature and don’t have as much of a chubby little baby face. I wouldn’t get plastic surgery unless I got in an accident or something terrible and got disfigured.”

— Bristol Palin

Bitch, please. You had some work done. Fine, whatever. I wouldn’t give two fucks if you weren’t denying the blatantly obvious, but you’re pissing all over me and telling me it’s raining.

Chipmunk cheeks do not count as a medical reason, and last time I checked, an elective procedure to correct your jaw alignment pretty much fits the textbook definition of plastic fucking surgery.

Good for you. You’re starting to brush up against Heidi Montag territory, but hey, whatever makes you happy. Just spare us the bullshit next time you go under the knife and ignore the post-surgery talking points from your cunt mother’s public relations team.

 

Miss America

tumblr_lf6lpnz4c51qzeu42o1_500

 

Raise your hand if you’re an embarrassingly insignificant vestigial remnant of the protofeminist American experience whose only remaining cultural value will be in your dramatic potential as reality TV scandal fodder after having reached your life’s goal of winning a glorified slave auction a few months after graduating from high school.

Sex and the City

tumblr_l2ei95KmEv1qzeu42o1_500

 

I know I’ve posted this before, but oh dear god, I just saw a promotional clip for Sex and the City 2. There was a menopause joke. A fucking menopause joke, which needless to say was painfully unfunny.

Could there be a more potent metaphor for the withered state of this franchise? It hasn’t been culturally relevant for a fucking decade.

No disrespect to Sarah Jessica Parker, but a dead horse is a dead horse, no matter how hard the old queens who write this hacky shit insist on kicking its leathery corpse.

 

Buckets For The Cure

tumblr_l1co9bHxhs1qzeu42o1_500

 

I keep seeing these new KFC ads featuring pink buckets of chicken that ostensibly involve charitable donations to fight breast cancer via a campaign they call Buckets For The Cure.

Does anyone else find this a bit ridiculous?

This is like my coke dealer selling little blue baggies to support a charitable campaign for the Police Benevolent Association.

Until every single one of their original red buckets of chicken also include a charitable donation to fight cardiovascular disease and childhood obesity, how about we all just skip this corrupt middle man and donate directly to breast cancer charities okay?

 

Page 1 of 212