1. If you got all butthurt because you love Michigan, small towns, and/or cows, you’re being ridiculous. I wasn’t talking about you. Get over yourself.
2. I was only talking about one particular simpleton, and yes, I am aware that I was making an ad hominem attack. Fuck that guy.
3. I know that makes me an asshole. I’m perfectly comfortable with that.
4. Being an asshole isn’t the same thing as being arrogant. I don’t think I’m better than that guy, but my moral philosophy is certainly more sophisticated than his.
5. Yes, less educated people tend to be more ignorant. Sorry if that offends your delicate sensibilities, but sometimes the truth fuckin’ hurts.
6. If I’m coming off as classist, tough shit. That’s why they call it a culture war. Now pick a side or get the hell off the battlefield.
7. If you are my enemy in the culture war, prepare for some Von Clausewitz level skullduggery. Fuck equal time, fuck civil discourse, and fuck tolerance. I don’t have to engage politely with people who are trying to take away my rights.
I love a good juxtaposition. This one is delicious. Here’s the next step. Everyone swap the dusk jackets.
I’m serious. Every last one of you should make your way to the local Barnes and Noble and swap the Snooki Polizzi dust jacket for whatever Edgar Allan Poe hardcover is nearby.
Don’t worry, Edgar would approve.
Let’s make this a thing.