I’m tired of living in a world with kings and queens and peasants who kill for their imaginary gods.

Beauty privilege is very real. None of us are imagining it, and if we aren’t born genetic lottery winners, our only option is to compensate with style, grace, and charm. Of course, none of that shit comes cheap. That’s kind of the whole point. It’s all meant to be aspirational and exclusionary. We’re supposed to feel depressed by our skin, agitated by our bodies, and anxious about our invisibility. That’s the insidious subtlety of social control. The worst part is that we know in our rational minds that it’s all bullshit, and yet we’re still plagued with self-loathing when we can’t live up to unattainable beauty standards. No matter how much self-acceptance we achieve, we can still look in the mirror and instantly catalog all the things about ourselves that we don’t think measure up. It’s maddening. It makes us feel like hypocrites even though it’s not our hypocrisy.

The Coquette @ Adult-Mag

Imperial Stars

 

Band Arrested After Blocking 101 Freeway

“In what is believed to be an effort at promotion, authorities said that members of a band called Imperial Stars blocked all but one lane of the southbound 101 with a large truck advertising the band. The group has a song called “Traffic Jam 101.”

Let me state emphatically for the record, this is not rock and roll. This is world class douchbaggery, and with LA traffic, it should be a hanging offense.

If you saw this incident and your instinct involved extending your pinky, index finger, and/or thumb into the air, please get the garden shears out of the shed, because you need to be taught a fucking lesson.

Imperial Stars? Are you kidding me? Look at those idiots on the side of that truck. They would have been stale as an SNL sketch much less as an attempt at an actual band.

 

Mount Douchemore

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Oh look, kids. It’s Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven, and Kid Rock indicating how many dead hookers they have stashed in their Hummers.

I suppose only one question remains — who should be the fourth man on Mount Douchemore?