The other day, a couple wrote in to Dear Coke Talk asking me to assist them in writing their wedding vows.

That shit was too charming to pass up, so we traded a few emails, and they turned out to be cool as fuck, squishy in love, and completely serious about having a lunatic stranger from the internet make up the magic words that would turn them into husband and wife. Good times.

I had them fill out a fairly extensive questionnaire, and before you know it, I’d mixed them up some casual, heartfelt, and highly personalized wedding vows.

Here they are. Enjoy!

Wedding Vows

for Jacob and Emma


Emma. Sweet Cherry Cone Meerkat. I am in awe of you. I am in awe of us. Our marriage is going to be awesome.

You are brilliant and beautiful, my perfect partner, my best fucking friend. I can’t wait to start spending the rest of our lives together. Being super creative. Challenging each other. Staying hip. Being good people. Being awesome.

You are my number one girl for life. Let’s go show these people how it’s supposed to be.

Jacob. Wonderful Ice Cream Grasshopper. My love for you is not devotion, but I am devoted to you. My love for you is not adoration, but I adore you. My love for you is not passion, but I am passionate about you. My love for you is simply love. All encompassing. Unconditional. Love.

Your hand fits perfectly in mine. So today, take my hand, and let’s go build a wonderful life together.