Dear Jessica Bari

 

Dear Jessica Bari,

I understand the appeal of working from your bed, but it’s kinda difficult to get any good writing done with your vagina all over the keyboard like that.

Perhaps that’s why you found it necessary to plagiarize whole swaths of my fun-sized advice from Dear Coquette. Honestly, did you really think that someone wouldn’t eventually notice?

Every single one of your TMI Tuesdays posts are riddled with both questions and answers lifted directly from my site. Naturally, you changed a few of the bigger words so as not to seem too smart. (That was on purpose, right?) And of course, you mixed in a few original thoughts to keep things less interesting. Clever as you tried to be, the theft is still plainly evident.

Oh, Jessica. What to do with you now?

Obviously, you’re a fan — and hey, I appreciate it — but if you’d been paying any attention at all, you’d know I don’t take kindly to people stealing my work. Last time it happened, a girl named Brianna tried to pass off my advice as her own, and I brought the hammer down so hard and fast that she fell off the face of the fucking internet.

You on the other hand, well, I just don’t know. It seems you have a thriving life coaching business to maintain where you teach fellow sociopaths how to “Rationalize Anything.” That or you’re using your masters degree in family counseling to do what appears to be softcore webcam modeling. Either way, I don’t expect you’re the type who’ll take down your website just because you got caught being completely full of shit.

So, here’s what I propose: Take the rest of the week to comb through each of your TMI Tuesdays posts and remove every last one of the questions and answers that you lifted directly from my site.

Once that’s done, I’d like you to sit at your keyboard (be sure and wipe it down first) and compose a written apology for trying to pass off my work as yours. Please use your own words, and then submit it to me over at Dear Coquette. (Clearly, you’ve been there before.)

Finally, don’t ever pull this kind of shit again. You may think that anything goes these days, but this is the fucking internet. You can’t get away with plagiarism.

Good luck with the whole life coaching thing.

Yours in rationalization,

The Coquette