Dear last night’s DJ,

You fucking sucked. Yes, Michael Jackson died, but that does not give you license to play bad 80’s dance pop sprinkled with a few awkwardly mixed MJ hits.

It wasn’t 80’s night, asshole. Even if it was, I have faith that the club owner would have hired a DJ who didn’t learn everything he knows about that decade from watching a Beverly Hills Cop marathon.

A real DJ would have patiently built up to that perfect 12:45 moment and then dropped an homage of carefully chosen Jackson beats from all four decades.

You used Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ as cheap ploy to pull people back on the dance floor after losing the crowd before midnight. Dick move, dude.