Dear Miley Cyrus



Dear Miley,

I know Dolly Parton is your godmother and all, but there’s a fine line between homage and outright plagiarism. You should be horrified that this quote — the crown jewel in Dolly Parton’s collection of shit-kicking, self-deprecating one-liners — is attributed to you.

This kind of bullshit bubble-gum intertextuality reeks of a crass and transparent desperation. Furthermore, it should be stated that no matter how hard you try to position yourself as heir apparent to Dolly’s country-crossover diva legacy, you will never — I repeat never — be the next Dolly Parton.

Stick to the smirking, self-reflexive exploitation of teenage rebellion thing you’ve got going. It seems to be working just fine.

Yours with a wrecking ball,

The Coquette