Canadian parents refuse to reveal baby’s gender

I love this news item, mainly because I have a tendency to call babies “it,” as in “What’s its name?” That doesn’t tend to go over very well at high school reunions. Some bitch I haven’t seen since cheerleading camp gets all huffy and replies, “She’s a girl, and her name is Madison.” And I’m all like, “Whatever. It’s a human larva strapped to a sack of its own shit.” And she’s all like, “Excuse me? Would you mind putting out that cigarette around my baby?” And I’m all like, “Would you mind not bringing your baby to a fucking bar?” And she’s all like, “It’s a restaurant.” And I’m all like, “I’ll bet you this Jack and Coke I’m drinking that it’s a goddamned bar.” And then the bartender says, “M’am, I’m sorry, but you can’t smoke in the bar.” And I’m all like, “Why, because of the baby?” And he’s all like, “No, the city passed a law banning smoking in establishments that also serve food.” And the bitch is like, “I told you it’s a restaurant.” And I’m all like, “Mark Twain would have something clever to say about this.”

So yeah, I have a tendency to call babies “it.”