Every time I see Rick Perry’s grinning idiot face, I hear the Dukes of Hazzard theme song in my head. I know it sounds silly, but he doesn’t even seem quite human to me. He’s more a cartoonish monster built from the spare parts of characters from that show.
He’s got the dumb-fuck huckleberry charm of Bo and Luke Duke, Cooter’s magnificent lack of sophistication, the bloated power of Boss Hogg, and Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane’s limited understanding of the law. The only Hazzard County character he’s nothing like is Daisy, which is unfortunate, because Daisy Duke is a third-wave feminist icon who could rock the shit out of some cut-off jeans.
Rick is very much the opposite of a feminist icon. Hell, if the contemporary American patriarchy could be condensed down into one thick skulled white dude, you couldn’t ask for a more perfect specimen than Texas Governor Rick Perry. The man makes George W. Bush seem urbane by comparison, and that’s fucking scary when you consider how much executive power he tosses around as a pro-death penalty/anti-abortion evangelical shit-kicker.
Yep, Rick is an obvious villain. A bumbling one, but still very dangerous. He’s a neanderthal with media training, and he’s got just enough political savvy to do some serious damage to the reproductive rights of millions of Texas women.
Ugh. I hate being reminded that he exists, but the ugly truth is that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. He’s probably gonna run for governor again, and he’s almost definitely gonna run for president.
Come to think of it, maybe he should have a small place in history. If Hillary Clinton is gonna win the presidency in 2016, there’s no one else I’d rather see her destroy on election day than Republican nominee Rick Perry.
Mmm, yeah. That would be fucking awesome.