Obama Dream



I had a dream last night that I was smoking a joint with President Obama. He had a red bicycle, a beach cruiser that you rent for the day on the Venice Boardwalk, and he was young, just like those pictures of him in college with the straw hat and the cool attitude.

We sat together in the grass by the bicycle, and we each took a long drag, and I asked him, “Seriously, dude. Why the fuck don’t you make this shit legal?”

He put a finger to his lips as if to say, “Shhh.” Then he grinned like the Cheshire Cat, and I suddenly realized that he was telepathically communicating with me. Without moving his lips, I heard him speak two simple words: second term.

Second term, indeed.


You think you shit glitter, but you’re nothing but a fish-lipped dirt squirrel living in a gated community of idiots. You are an emotional vampire with an eating disorder and an adderall addiction. You subsist on celery and chaos. If you ever had a conscience, you got rid of it like a prom night dumpster baby. The botox injection sites on your forehead connect to form the shape of a pentagram. I feel sorry for your hair extensions. May your death involve duct tape.

Thomas Kinkade



Everyone needs to stop referring to Thomas Kinkade as an artist. He wasn’t an artist. He was a craftsman. There’s a huge difference.

A master craftsman can pump out a highly refined work product that isn’t actual art in much the same way that Olive Garden can pump out a highly refined menu that isn’t actual Italian food.

Craftsmanship isn’t artistry. That’s Kincade’s legacy.


Courtney Stodden



Part of me wishes that Courtney Stodden was a performance artist, and this is all subversive postmodern commentary on American hegemonic value systems. The other part of me is just glad someone picked up the Anna Nicole Smith torch and ran with it.


Fanny Packs

fanny pack


Fanny Packs

My fanny pack prediction is still going strong. Givenchy, Michael Kors, and Topshop Unique rocked various versions of their hip huggers on the runway.

Raffia Pom Pom Hat


Raffia Pom Pom Hat

Head candy was plentiful at this season’s runway shows, and this item from Burberry is my favorite. The Brits don’t mess around when it comes to fancy-fuck hats and the pom pom on this one keeps the seriousness to a minimum.

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