Professionally Offended



Why is anyone apologizing for this?

No one was offended.

No one gives a shit.

No one.

There are assholes out there whose job it is to get professionally offended, and all they managed to do was phone in another poorly written press release.

Come on, even they’re not really offended. You can tell they don’t believe their own bullshit anymore. They just have to justify their ridiculous existence.

Not one person of any age, of any gender, or of any culture out of the hundred million who watched the Super Bowl is owed an apology for this fraction of a broadcast second.

Ugh. Even ranting about the irony and hypocrisy of this kind of nonsense is tiresome and irrelevant.


Zen Poetry



There is an ancient custom amongst Zen monks and haiku poets to compose a jisei or “death poem” when nearing the very end of their lives.

I feel like Anna Nicole Smith may have been more of a Zen poet than any of us ever gave her credit for.

Buckets for the Cure



The Susan G. Komen Foundation recently withdrew their charitable support for Planned Parenthood. It’s a transparently political move that is both deplorable and not the least bit surprising.

Come on, folks. Have we already forgotten Buckets for the Cure? Seriously, those helmet haired humanitarians in charge of the Komen Foundation lost all their credibility the second they decided to raise breast cancer awareness with pink buckets of KFC chicken.

Of course, some good is coming out of their right-wing, anti-choice, red-state wrong-headedness, because almost half a million dollars has been donated directly to Planned Parenthood in the past twenty-four hours alone.

If you can, please donate.


Coke Talk of the Night

My BFF brought her annoying vegan work friend to our sushi dinner. This crunchy cunt is currently complaining about the five extra minutes she spent in the express aisle at Whole Foods trying to buy her quinoa lunch.

Bitch, please. Nobody cares. Especially since we just found out that one of my BFF’s bridesmaids had to move back in with her mom after finding her boyfriend foaming at the mouth from an overdose. He lived, but now he’s in rehab and his house is in foreclosure.

Cocktails! Drama! Spicy scallop hand rolls!

Ugh. I needed this.


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