This isn’t decadent. This is stupid.

Never dump your whole stash on the mirror all at once. That’s how a coke-whore feeding frenzy becomes a trip to the emergency room before the pool closes.

And what’s with all the costume jewelry and that cell phone? Did somebody rob Vanilla Ice? Seriously, check the voicemail on that cracker-jack prize, I’ll bet there’s a threatening message from Suge Knight.

And what have I told you bitches about setting your drinks near the blow? Actually, get that fur out of there too. I once watched a porn star spill an eight ball all over her chihuahua. You haven’t partied until you’ve watched a gaggle of sex workers lick cocaine out of dog fur.

Fucking amateurs.